As elsewhere in our fair country, Miami is focused on the upcoming November elections.
My phone rings four to five times each evenings with the dire news that Sink (D) has wasted MILLIONS in some bureacratic miscue and that Scott (R) ran a company that had numerous fraud citations from the government.
Pretty normal stuff for a governor's race. Inspires confidence in the quality of our democratic process. My absentee ballot confronts me each time I go into the kitchen, but I cannot motivate myself to mark either of the candidates.
In a unique, more Miami-flavored incident, one passionate candidate allegedly chased down a truck carrying his opponent's negative campaign literature, ramming his car into the truck in order to stop delivery (umm...did you think this out? The literature was not destroyed and now your opponent can print more pamphlets about your stupidity!). In an interesting aside, he did this on the "crazy freeway", focus of much humor and frustration in Miami. Here, as the 100 mph Mercedes drivers weave through the 35 mph clunker cars, driving takes on new excitement and edginess. Live where I do, and you truly can't avoid this excellent test of reflexes and sanity.
I had two charming little boys come to my door and inquire if I would put a sign in my yard for their dad.
"Who is your Dad?"
"Jim ________," replied child one. He had a gap from his missing front tooth. They were wearing dress pants and ties. The cute, guilt factor was overwhelming.
"What is he running for?"
"County commissioner," replied child two, with a sweet lisp.
Be strong, I told myself. "If your dad wants to talk to me, or give me information about his views, I'd be glad to consider it. BUT I can't put a sign in my yard when I don't know anything about him." (except that he has cute kids and has no compunction in using them as electioneering WEAPONS OF MASS APPEAL).
Maybe this speaks to his fearless, clever nature?
Nah...
Kids look confused, but shuffle away to the waiting mini-van - from which no woman or man has emerged to monitor our interaction. I get a little agitated, and consider stomping up to the van and berating the driver...but, as they open the door, I can see it's an elderly Latino woman. I immediately go inside, write down the candidate's name, and swear not to vote for him.
Gees, leave the kids and granny or nanny out of this!
Some local politicians DO know how to get my vote. Just this week, Barry and I received separate puffy envelope packages containing...
A PEN AND A STAMP!
Who wouldn't sell his vote for a pen and a stamp?
I'm always on the hunt for a good Bic basic black pen...and now we have TWO!
And, if I have any hesitation voting for someone who would WASTE thousands of dollars mailing me a PEN AND A STAMP (the nice man was "helping" me fill out/mail my ballot), I am an unappreciative Miami resident who knows NOTHING of the local political game.
Who do you think I am? I'm not your typical CHEAP vote! If you want MY vote, pony up! Hint: Gift certificates make great, neutral, untraceable bribes.
On the other hand, they were cool stamps. I got Kathryn Hepburn and Barry got Cary Grant. I'm saving them for a special occasion mailing.
I also received a small American flag in a mailing tube. I pulled out the flag, but, oops, never pulled out the flyer. Sorry, whomever came up with THAT brilliant campaign strategy.
I will vote. So should you. Do you need a pen?
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