Typhoid Barry

Preface: Barry demands that this post undergo fact check and has subpoenaed Publix video surveillance footage for the time in question. He demanded blog space as well to rebut my versions of the event, but was informed that he should get his own blog. My blog, my version...and until such time, here's the story.

Barry and I go to Publix (a major Florida grocery chain). I don't like shopping with Barry. My cart inevitably fills up with unnecessary items. Barry claims they are necessary. Trail mix? He runs, but doesn't hike. ice Cream Drumsticks? "Not for me!," he exclaims innocently. "For Chris! A boy needs his ice cream." $10 small hunk of cheese? "I had this in Brazil - it's GREAT!"

We unload the groceries at the register and Barry takes out his credit card and is holding it in his left hand. It's a busy day, and the bagger persons are in short supply, so we don't have one on our aisle.

"AHHHH-CHOOOO!" Barry gives out a mighty sneeze - directly on his credit card.

Barry then tries to hand the card to me saying "I'll bag the groceries."

"I don't want that card! I'll get my own out!"

"I didn't sneeze on that hand! I sneezed on my right hand!"

"Both of your hands went toward your face. I WILL NOT TOUCH THAT CARD!"

The cashier is watching us. We are now her moment-of-the-day to share in the break room.

Insulted, Barry huffily swipes his card through the payment device. I refuse to touch the device and grab a bag to load up some groceries, because I am not touching the bags he is now touching with his diseased hands. Barry signs for the groceries and stomps out of the store, denying all the while that he exposed anything or anyone to his germy germs.

We'll see. I'm logging on to the CDC to see if they have a "public endangerment" online reporting device. If the Pinecrest Publix is covered in a tent and surrounded by biosuited federal workers, you'll have Barry to thank!